Recently I’ve been having some problems with a really close friend of mine and because of that I’ve been thinking a lot about friends and what really matters in a friendship. If you ask people why they became friends with their friend (a lot of friends in that sentence) many will say they became close thanks to common interests. To me, common interests seem more like a means of acquiring friendship rather than being the reason behind it. Surely you are more likely to spend time with people who share common interests and have the same hobbies but that doesn’t never mean you must have common interests with people in order to be friends with them (likewise you will not always become friends with someone just because they share your interests).
There are a lot of different types of friends so maybe we should define what friends we are talking about. First of all, there are “casual friends” who are people you spend time with or chat up every now and then but don’t necessarily have a deep connection with. Most of the time these friends are people we have to spend time with anyway like colleagues or classmates or perhaps friends of friends. These casual friends are not the friendships we’re questioning as there is no deep connection between. There are also friends who you’ve been friends with forever, so much that you can’t remember what your life was like before, but that’s not the friends I’m thinking about either. The main reason I choose not to talk about these kind of friends is really simple. What lead me to think about this was the problems I’ve been havingn with a specific friend, so I thought about this considering that specific friend and others I would consider equally close to me.
To me what differs a close friend and a casual friend is trust and comfort. While I don’t necessarily need a brutally honest mate to go to the movies or sing karaoke with, that’s something I need to have with a close friend. Sincerity between to people is formed the best by trusting each other. If I don’t trust you with any of my personal matters and constantly doubt what you tell me the relationship between us won’t be sincere, and neither of us will actually enjoy being friends as it will be “forced”.
The second thing is that I need to be comfortable with you. Are we really friends with each other if we can’t be our true selves together? How is this a friendship if I have to think twice before I tell you anything to make sure it’s not something you will bash me or judge me about? If I can’t be me when I’m with you, if I have to silence certain parts of my personality then I will likely not want to be around you much.
These are the two major factors that matter to me in a relationship, or at least the ones that have been on my mind the most. I’ve been thinking a lot on this subject recently and I’m curious to hear out other people’s opinions on it. What matters the most in a friendship to you? Make sure to tell me in the comments, thank you for taking the time to read my little rant, it was a little messy and it’s certainly not the type of content I was aiming to have on this blog, but it is what it is (sherlock anyone?). I hope you all have a wonderful day and unproblematic friendships…